The fight

In this period of us fighting, of us being silent, of us punishing each other by not talking; I feel Terrible. No matter how much I blame you for the reason of us fighting, for matter how much I take you account for being distant, I want to talk to you. I get questions like, 'If I really matter to you' or 'Is the deafening silence also ring in your ear', rushing all over my mind. I feel Terrible and this weird feeling would not just leave my soul, where I feel like 'tearing my heart into million pieces and hand them to you' to let you know how much it's hurting and stinging. I want to call you and scream, demanding a reason for our fight, but I know, I know you won't understand, you never did. I know you would call this 'overreacting' you always do. But love, I feel terrible here without you and I feel terrible for knowing that you're not terrible without me.

A.A.

 

Love

I always get these weird thoughts, branching themselves through my mind tree whenever I'm talking to you. The questions blossom, like the Jasmine in my baranda at spring. They bother me till I vent those irritations on you. They keep poking me to ask you about the pretty friend you have in your maths class.
I ask you then, 'Would you ever get bored of this?', 'Of what' you ask. That question holds the hand of the silence inside and together they creep through my heart and freezes, till it hurts and the traitor tears roll down my cheeks screaming for an answer, Shouting in despair for the silence. They demand trust. I do, I do trust him. I trust him with all my existence, but these insecurities? How do I justify my insecurities I hold so close and disgust them myself at the same time? How do I calm those terrible million questions popping up in my head- like the bubbles in water when heated- when I see you with any other girl other than me? I cannot and I get anxious, my hands get clammy. Is this how love is supposed to feel? I wonder.

A.A.

Plumeria

I won't ask for something that you cannot give. I won't ask for your 'forever' and couple 'promises' either. I won't ask for a promise ring or teddy bear to remind me of you. But once in awhile I will ask for some plumerias, not because I like this flower or that any flower in particular but to see if I still have the right to ask. I'll ask for you hand and make you hold mine, not because I feel insecure in the public, but to see if they still fuse together like the first time you held them. I won't ask things from that you won't be able to give me but  the things I'll ask from you will tell me how long I can ask from you.

A.A.

Worth it

You said you're not worth it

You said I don't deserve this

But when I hadn't been watered 

And stopped growing for months- 

You held my crown

You softened my frown,

You steadied me up from the ground

And uncovered my dawn. 

You caressed my tear strained cheeks 

With your slender, soft fingertips 

You mended all the leaks 

You anchored yourself into more depth .

  

And after all was said and done

You came to me and said

"You deserve better" 

I fell hard on the stone cold ground

And I swear I heard all my hopes

And dreams shatter out loud. 

A.A.

Assuming to smile

I think it'll be easier

If I assume you're dead

It'll will be easier to live

If I think you loved me 

Before dying, in my head.

I think it'll be easier

To convince myself

That you didn't leave me,

You left the universe instead.

A.A.

Flirting

I look at you
you glance up
i look away

I glance up
You're looking at me
I glance away

This little dance
of peeks and glimpses
it continues on

I hope you
are braver
than me.
F.A.

 Pain

The worst kind of pain
is the kind you feel in your soul
it slowly devours everything
and weighs you down
until you cant move

It hurts more than any burn
any bruise
any scar
because it cant heal
no matter what you do
its always there inside you
but no one can see it
F.A.

Rememberance

I still remember

the outline of your lips.

The way they seared

every inch of my molten exterior.

The world spun

and the traffic below our window

rolled on completely unaware

we had lit the room on fire.

Being burned by your touch

was the most glorious pain

I've  never experienced.

F.A.

Sand

I never got a chance to tell you

how that expression on your face stayed with me

even while I lay sleepless in a small bed

with a foreign moon singing me lullabies

it helped me relax though I could not rest

hands slow bodies immersed

in an overflowing cup as the sun came up

that came to an abrupt halt upon my return

that morning you were quiet

and I was calm

the grand canyon between us

filling with sand

no more sleight of hands

only piercing revelations of what we had become

before we ever had begun.

F.A.

Heartbeat

Maybe you die twice in life.

One time:

When your own heart

stops beating.

And a second time:

when their heart

starts beating

for someone else.

F.A.

All I want

All I want to do

right now is cry 

and scream 

and let it all out 

because...

it's killing me inside.

F.A.

Fading away

Day By day,

Minute by minute,

I notice the ends of my mind begin

to fray,

I don't know what it is,

Why I was made this way.

My will to live just slowly fades,

Ever so surely,

It fades away.

I haven't died yet,

Nor do I have a date set.

But I know without a doubt,

That I will not live to see my heart

give out.

F.A.

What is love? What is lust?

Love:

"Wishes to self expand and caring for
or identifying with a person, including
feelings of infatuation and emotional
bonding"

Lust:

"Wish, need or drive to seek out sexual
objects  or to engage in sexual activities,
including feelings of sexual desire"

And i thought....
difference is so little.
F.A.

Lust

And as he unzipped 

her dress

She buttoned

her soul.

F.A.

Me and my sorrow

My cheeks,
Home to sorrow
Embrace the rain
Like an old friend
Who knew would find comfort
In its sister
Who knew would get some rest
In the bags beneath
My eyes

F.A.